Manage my what?

Is it going down?
Going away?
Or going to burst?

Is my anxiety becoming paranoia, manifesting into unhealthy obsession that’s translating into physical illness?
Is all of this all and only in my head…
Or is it a real, rogue, rebellious bit of my body that’s noxiously twisting me into a toxic existence…

Is it spreading out?
Spreading over?
Spreading through?

Do you know what it feels like to be quietly captured by your own insides?
Bound and mentally tied.
Kidnapped by your brain with all of those pain transmitters pulsating potentially deadly neurons throughout your make up.

You wake up every day and assess whether it’s

Better
Worse
Or just the same.

Try to diagnose the unnamed.
Blamed your diet
Your lack of sleep
Your abilities to properly function as an adult
All of these cause for concern symptoms YOUR fault…

Or stress.

At a guess, you’re dehydrated and foggy.
Groggy from all of the….
…..energy we need to rally up to simply just go about the day.

Say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time delivered in the wrong way.
Pay for Doctors to provide
Validation
Medication
And send links to webinars about wellness and relaxation.

Have an insatiable desire to do more damage
To destruct
To become more distant and depressed.
Fuck getting dressed!
Fuck bras!
Fuck dentures!
Let’s take adventures into getting away from ourselves!
Hit top shelves and rock bottoms.
Make out with her
Fuck him
Get into what makes you feel the best and…
Predictably…

Fuck the rest.

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